Pai Nian

On the eve, there was marketing to do. The prices for fish and prawns were exorbitant. Yet, could not do without. This year, we decided to get flowers early instead of after dinner. The stretch of florists along Thomson road was already crowded with people by noon. With two active boys running about, impatient for more interesting activities, I only managed to grab some fresh cut carnations for the altar.

 Yu Sheng

Then it was a quick lunch and a short nap before going to my in-laws home. My parents and parents-in-law take turns to organise the annual re-union dinner. This year, my mom-in-law busied herself preparing a spread of delicacies for steam boat which we all tucked in heartily.

The boys had a great time playing fire crackers after dinner.

Since we were little girls, we had been taught to ‘pai nian’ with our parents with a cup of sweet warm longan red date tea accompanied with auspicious greetings. I wanted to preserve this meaningful tradition. Thus, this year, I brew the tea overnight and taught the boys to do likewise first thing in the morning of the lunar New Year.

Sweet Logan Red Date Tea 

I believe I am breeding the man’s chauvinism as I served him tea too. But of course, the ang pow is well worth the minute’s submissiveness which he never fails to tease,

“Ahh… every year, I am Boss for a minute!”

 

The bunz serving tea to Papa, Mummy, Por Por, Kong Kong

YiYi serving her hubby tea too.

 

To Hubby on Valentine’s Day

In respond to To My Wife on Valentine’s Eve

 

Hurt has been inflicted.

Tears have been shed.

Words have been exchanged.

All is left is forgiveness,

To mend the heart,

To build the trust.

And the willingness to move on.

Together.

Hand in hand.

Again.

Happy Valentine’s Day

To My Wife on Valentine’s Eve

I’ve never really written in my wife’s blog, Maybe I’m just not used to blare out my feelings and thoughts to anyone and worst still, put them all in words. But everything must start some where, right?

These 2 months, frankly speaking, have been trying, after the Christmas Eve incident and a series of minor incidents after that. There were a few major incidents that had happened since our marriage; trust was broken, painfully rebuilt and broken again through stupid, inconsiderate and irresponsible actions of mine. Actions which she cannot comprehend, neither do I then at the moment of execution.

We had many nights of discussions, arguments into the wee hours of the nights for the past months. Many a times, with no outcome. Damage was really inflicted to her emotionally and spiritually and the burning question in her mind is whether to trust me again or not? Or the fundamental question is, do I really love her?

In all her blog entries that she had written so far, I was painted as a loving husband and a perfect father. But frankly speaking, in my heart, I was less than perfect than the image she painted. Because I’m someone who seldom verbalize my love to her, hugged her and kissed her when she needs one, praised her for all the sacrifices she had done and the energy spent on the kids, household and me. At the end of the day, she kept feeling that I’ve taken her for granted and her emotional bank was never filled up as I kept on drawing down. She has always questioned me why I claimed I loved her but all these actions or inactions do not show the love?

Thinking back, I can’t help to agree with her that love is never meant to be kept in the heart but by the physical actions we show. At the end of the day, the recipient must feel love through the words that we said, the actions that we do. It is definitely NO use to just keep the words ‘I Love You’ in the heart.

Sometimes, I do find it ironically that in front of my colleagues and friends, I sang her praises, agreeing with her on her valid points, even quote her what she says. But when I’m in front of her, I straight away put up my male egoistic character, my defensive mode, argue with her and had never given a single word of praise and thanks to her.

Sigh…. I don’t even know myself for the reasons which I put on two different fronts. And I do feel sincerely sorry for doing it. She always tells me, ‘My dear, I don’t want a companion for marriage, if I need a companion, I can always find a dog! What I really want is a partner in life, I’m a mirror to you, vice versa. It is only with constant feedback, reflection, both of us can be better persons and not stay stagnant in our spiritual, emotional and character development.’ I totally agree with her comments, but when it comes to implementing it, my male ego will step in and becomes defensive.

So therefore a lot of times, messages are only delivered after heated arguments and tears. She says, it is just so difficult to try getting messages across!

Faith and trust in a person are never easy to build; it takes tremendous amount of energy, time. And if the trust is constantly destroyed by husband’s stupid actions, it is natural for a woman’s protective mechanism to kick in. It is therefore easier not to trust again, as one will not know when one will get hurt again. No matter how much apologies and promises which the other party can made, it is just not easy to reach out again and move on.

My dear wifey, today is Valentines Day eve. I’m here in the office, staying up late, fighting back tears in my eyes, typing this blog entry. I know so many a times I’ve said sorry, making promises to you, yet broke them again and again with my inconsiderate, unjustified, irresponsible actions. I just want to put it in words that I apologize for all the grief, hurt, and wounds in the heart that you have endured over our seven years of marriage.

You do deserve a better treatment from me. I’ll make my utmost effort to change, be a better husband, a better father because the kids and you deserve it.

As you have said to me, we must always be each others’ mirrors, comments may hurt, but they are made with the objective for us to improve. This, I can’t agree more. As for the trust and faith to be rebuilt, I know it is an arduous task on your end, but I’ll still wait on till the day you can recover while I try to my very best to repair the damage done.

Happy Valentines Day to you, my Pig-a-tong! I just want to shout out loud

 ‘I LOVE YOU’

Your Hubby

N.B. : For those husbands who are reading my entry, you must never ever take for granted the sacrifice that your wife has made, given up her youth and energy to mind the kids, household and YOU. If it is so difficult to verbalize your love constantly, just make your utmost effort to tell her that you love her whether through writing a card or whisper into her ears this very Valentine day.

Our Little Valentine

Our little Romeo, (who recently declared that an ang moh girl by the name of Liliy is his girlfriend!) has been asking me to help him with Valentine’s cards for his friends. He needed 12-15 cards!!! His school has put up Valentine’s Day Letter Boxes for the children to ‘post’ their special notes to their friends, and these notes, cards, craft will be read out or given on Valentine’s Day!  Parents are encouraged to send in their dedications too.

Yihang has been saying that we don’t love him. So, I decided that I needed to reassure him that we still love him dearly.

After work today, I went to POPULAR to buy cards and papers. Printed plenty of hearts and cut them out. Yihang was bursting with excitement and pasted the hearts onto the cards before writing out his dedications. Filled with the spirit of giving, he planted a goodnight kiss on my cheek and said, “Thank you Mummy, for helping me with the cards. My friends and teachers will be very happy tomorrow when they receive these.”

Little did he know that Mummy (who is tired and has tons of work undone!) was still laboriously cutting the shinny hearts when he was way fast asleep, and with clammy and gluey fingers, carefully sticking them onto a card and slipping it into a brown envelope, with a note to his teacher:

Ms Portia, as spoken over the phone earlier, this is our dedication to yiHang. It is meant to be a surprise as he did not know that we’ve made this gift for him. He has been feeling insecure with the baby coming and his little brother demanding more attention. Thus, please take this opportunity to help us reiterate our love for this sentimental child of ours.

With thanks from Mr andMrs Loh.  

*****

Yihang dearest,

We fell in love with you way before you were born,

You are our precious prince whom we all adore,

God made you special in so many ways,

You brought us fears, You brought us tears,

But you are our pride and joy,

We love you,

We always have, We always will.

Mummy and Papa

14th February 2007

*****

One day.Yes, One day.He will understand, how much he meant to us,and how much we love him.

Our little Valentine.

Dental Visit

 

Because of his genetic condition which affected his teeth formation, yiHang started his dental journey way before his peers. He was referred to the National Dental Centre by Dr Ivy Ng from KKH when he was barely 3 years old.

After the traumatic lost of his precious front incisor, he was refereed to the orthodontist for dentures. But decided last minute, on the dental chair, that he would like to wait until he is ‘a bit older’ to do the dentures. We knew it would make a whole lot of difference to his appearance and diet with dentures. But really, we’ve got no heart to force him into something he is not ready.

Then there was a lapse of 2 years between visits before we got a fresh appointment last week.

Kong Kong came all the way to send him to NDC while Papa rushed over to the clinic from work. YiXiang tagged along. yiHang used to need me to sit on the chair with him. Not anymore – he’s a grown boy now.

He had a cavity in his front incisor!

I knew he was nervous. I saw him stiffen up and cringed a little when the grinding and the drilling began. But he braved it through.

Without Tears! Without Complain!

And an affirmation (which I knew bet would not last!) that he will stay away from chocolates and sweets

Hugging his little brother, in the lift, on the way home,

“yiXiang listen to me. From now on – No Sweets! No Chocolates! OK! Biscuits – only when everyone is at home, we open one packet and share!!”

And Yes!

Can you believe it!

yiXiang has a cavity too!!

Need to fix that soon.

Curry eating todler

Spicy.

I wan !

*****

  He finished TWO pieces of bread, soaked and dripping with Por Por’s deliciously hot, piping spicy chicken curry

For better or for worse

 

Just before Christmas, he did something which made me so mad, so angry, so hurt, so disappointed, I thought I could never forgive, never forget. I did not want to talk about. I could not talk about it. And I was cold for the longest time.

Attended my ex-boyfriend’s wedding last week. Yeah. We still kept in touch. After all, we shared a good seven good years before we parted. During the dinner, a friend teased and asked if I’ve ever looked back.

In one breathe I said with conviction and pride,

I am a better me, because of the man I married. I never have to feel that I have to achieve less in life to feed his ego. He encouraged me to pursue my career when he was not doing well himself. He was never jealous but rejoice at my every success. He supported my decision to do my masters. He gave me complete freedom to run my life. He never gives me pressure. He waits patiently for me when I am late.  He gives in to my whims and fancy. He took my willfulness and tolerated my temper, without complain. He never raise his voice at me nor threw his temper. He gives in to most of my ‘reasonable’ requests. What more can I ask for.

When he came to pick me after the dinner, I was still quiet but a little warmer inside.

It still hurts. 

But I hoped I have taken the first step on the road to recovery.

Updates

It’s been a while since my last update. Had been really busy ever since school started.

1^st January

On New Years Day, we went to the Botanic Gardens with my sis and Vernon. The boys had so much fun blowing bubbles. It was such joy just basking under the warm sun and watching. 

20^th January

Went to Sentosa and spent the night at Sijori. An annual event with my in-laws. I was not too keen to go as I really needed good night rest in my won comfortable bed but the boys were bursting with anticipation and excitement. yiHang had the itenary planned and of course packed as much fun as he could in the day.

27^th January

I turned 34! A simple dinner with my family. The black forest from Pine Gardens has somehow become an annual indulgence.

yiHang wanted to surprise me with a birthday card. I taught him how to make pop-up cards last Christmas. He fumbled, got frustrated, asked me for helped and then got angry because, “Arrgggg… you saw the card, its not a surprise anymore!!!!”

First failed attempt: An overly ambitious two layer pop-up card. But the cake was too huge for the card and could not ‘pop-up!’

Second successful attempt, with some the help of YiYi.

He’s so incorrigibly and unreasonably adorable.