I am in deep grief
as I bid my Ji Chek
whom loved me so dearly
even before I understood what love is 
- Goodbye -

*****

- Who would have thought this to be the last family portrait? Taken Dec 2005 -

Friday, my aunt (Gu Gu) from Penang called close to midnight. Through her frantic sobs, ‘They says he cannot be save already,’ I made out that my Uncle had been knocked down by a motorcyclist. Nah! She is just exaggerating, I thought in denial. My dad and I frantically tried to contact his wife and daughter. The dreaded call finally came half an hour later to confirm our worst fears - my beloved uncle has passed away. Nah! That can’t be. It is just a dream, and I clung on to that delusion as I crept into bed.

My uncle was working in a departmental store. He had done the closing and was heading home. As usual, he had asked his wife and daughter, who were also working together, to wait for him at the bus stop while he tie the loose ends before catching up with them. As he was crossing the road, an 18 years motor cyclist knocked him down. The impact was so great, his legs broke and he bled profusely from multiple injuries. One of the food vendors whom witnessed the accident ran to the bus stop to inform his wife and daughter. Unfortunately when they saw him, we was barely breathing and was pronounced dead when they reached the hospital.     

I just came home from my uncle’s (Ji Chek, as how I address him in Hokkien) funeral, hauling a heavy heart, laden with all kinds of emotions, from sadness, exhaustion, guilt, anger to relieve and feeling comforted. Grief over the lost of my Uncle. Sad that his family, especially his wife whom he loved so dearly, whom had never spent a day of her live without him since they got married, lost her soul mate. Guilt of not saying proper thank-yous for cycling all the way to the market to get me my favourite fried cempedak, for never forgetting my lor bak whenever I visit, for taking the trouble to go down town and spending money to buy biscuits from Him Heang whenever we go home. Angry at that irresponsible driver, whom must have been speeding. Exhausted, as we were so short handed at the funeral. But seek solace that he did not suffer, as he passed on.  

My uncle was a humble man and the wake was simple. But the funeral was really grand. Relatives, friends and people from everywhere – newspaper man, neighbours, the lady that delivers the family tingkat, the hawkers that he patronised regularly, suppliers that he had worked with, promoters under his charge and close to a hundred colleagues (and bosses) took time off during the extremely busy festive sales season [New Year's eve], to  send him on his last journey.

*****

Your smile, your warmth, your love and your sincerity will live in our hearts forever.